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Evil Janet · Posted: Mon Jul 24, 2006 10:42 pm Post subject: The Raid That Never Was

"Niet! It vill not verk!" exclaimed Yuri vehemently, pounding the new base Raid Computer with his hardened calloused fist. "Niet! Niet! Niet!"

Disturbed from her studies into the possibilties of cooking salamander meat (specifically, radioactive salamander meat) Evil Janet hovered into the room.

"Problem comrade?"

"I AM NOT ZOUR COMRADE! I AM ZE COMMANDING OVIZER!" ranted Yuri, his face as red as the epulettes on his shoulder.

"Okay, sod 50 years of communism then... so what's the matter," she gave a wry smile, "boss!?"

"Ze ver shtupid Raid Computer," mumbled Yuri into his coffee. "I try and try and try, but I can not do ze practice run!"

Evil Janet had worked in an office all here pre-supervillainess life and immediately knew what to do.

"Have you got a man in? Have you phoned IT support?"

"IT zuppert? Zou mean Dr Evil Robotico?" Yuri threw his hands in the air (fortunately putting the coffee down first) "He can't program his own bots much less zuch a vine peas of militevy hardvare!

"Hmmmm, have you consulted ze," Janet huffed as she corrected herself, "THE instruction manual?"

"It iz in Korean! Do I look like a bloody Voriegner?!" shrugged Yuri, and added, "besides, it is ze BAD Korea!"

Janet knew what he meant. "South Korea?"

"Ya, bloody democrats!!!"

Janet perused the flashing dials and sliding gauges before her.

"Have you made a boot disk?"

"Ya!"

"Installed the supplied software?"

"Ya!"

"Downloaded the patches?"

"Ya! Ya! YA!"

Then Janet noticed the centre of the Raid Computer console, a black panel in which was set a soft touch rubber keyboard, the kind of which she hadn't seen for many a year. In one corner there was a red, yellow, green and blue diagonal stripe across it.

"Hmm, the erm, software? Was it on DVD-ROM?" she ventured, half knowing the answer.

"Niet, nor voz it on CD!"

"I don't suppose it was on a floppy disk?"

Yuri shook his head, head hung and refusing to meet Janet's stare. When she wanted to be, she was quite the ice dom.

"You've been saving money again haven't you?" accused Janet.

Yuri mumbled something incoherent, possibly in Russian.

"Okay," said Janet authoritively in the manner of one who knows they have their opponent over a barrel, "where's the vodka?!"

In this case it was a vodka barrel. Yuri pointed sheepishly at the barrel inbetween the benches in Janet's study, still refusing to raise his head.

"So you bought this Raid Computer for how much?" asked Janet with pent up rage.

Yuri mumbled.

"And the vodka cost?"

Yuri mumbled something else.

"HOW MUCH!?" Janet screamed. Yuri started to reply, but Janet's diatribe cut him off. "You spent 100 times more on the vodka than you did on the Raid Computer!!!!"

"Zorry," sobbed Yuri, "I am veak!"

"Here, let me show you something about our base computer," said Janet putting an arm (an iron arm in a long, sleek and sexy velvet gauntlet!) around Yuri's shoulders and leading him to the console. "Do you know what this is?"

"Ze man at ze Pottersfield Car Boot zed it woz ze Data Interface Device," sniffed Yuri.

"It's a tape recorder," said Janet simply, "and this," she held up a tape cassette, "I take it this is the operating system software? Am I right?"

"Ya! It voz a bargain, a steal! Zat is vot we do, steal, murder and mayhem!" explained Yuri, somewhere in his own mind finding some justification.

Janet inserted the tape. Then she typed, LOAD "BASE RAID", and pressed play on the cassette player. There was a high pitched whine and the screen crackled to life with magenta and cyan bars before decending into blue and yellow chaos.

"There I, I think I've fixed it," said Janet smugly and stalked off to her room as best a grav dom can do.

Five minutes later Yuri could be heard sheepishly calling.

"Janeeet? JANET!" He had regained his composure and was imposing his totalitarian iron will (having had a few vodkas from the stash he had not mentioned) "Look! I told u it vill NOT VERK!"

On the screen in front of the console was a cryptic message.

B INTEGER OUT OF RANGE 0,0

"Zo get out ov here and earn more prestige zo we can get a better computer!"

Grav dom stared grav dom in the face until Janet backed down. Short people could be wickedly violent and she was not about to take the risk when Yuri was fuelled on potato-juice.

"Rememver!" called out Yuri as Janet flew towards the base portal "Lots and LOTS of prestige vor ze nice new computer!"

Janet muttered something about vodka and in a flash was in Grandville. Soon she was hovering high over the gutter.

"Hmmm," she pondered out loud, "who can I beat up for dosh?!"

Wink

The End

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My kind of life don't last, preacher. So I expect I'm invested in making good sport of it whilst I can. - Mal Reynolds: Firefly

Evil Janet - Grav/Energy Dom 50 * Jimmy Spoons - Thug/Poison MM 40 * Womanman - Super Strength /Invulnerability Brute 32 * Doc Och - Dark/Dark Stalker 13

Alts not in the SG: Sweet Fanny Adams - MCBeth - Evil Ken Eval

Yuri Blastin · Posted: Tue Jul 25, 2006 3:40 pm Post subject: Yuri gets irate

This left poor Yuri to his own devices, which is often not a good plan for one such as him. It did not take much thumb twiddling before he became bored, since he had spent a long time in the base and, however well-decorated it was, it eventually becomes dull.

"I shall protest, in the name of the Motherland!", he exclaimed, jumping to his feet. He headed off then, intent on causing a nuisance to the Powers That Be...

Surveying the wasteland that was the Rogue Isles, he espied an oil rig in the distance.

"Ah! The Oil Companies run George W. Bush, so they probably run everything else too. I will take my wrath to them, or nothing will ever get done!"

On his approach, he started to throw various things at the oil-workers to get their attention (see illustration, below).

"OOOOOOOOOOYYYYY YOOOOOU!", he screamed, at a volume that even made people in Paragon City, sitting down to a meal of potatoes and cheese dibblers, jump up in fright!

Unfortunately, these oil fellows were used to such outbursts and promptly had Yuri shot in the head with a missile. He was terribly perturbed, returning to the secret base grumbling almost as loudly as he is known to shout...
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Registered alt-a-holic (@Yuri Blastin)! I have to rotate which ones are actually in the Anti-Spandex Corps:
Plutonium Salamander (rad/warmth corr-37), Yuri Blastin (grav/energy dom-32) [Overmind - Retired],
Ol' Rusty Pete (fire/elec brute-29), The Silent Movie Star (dark/dark sta-24),
Shrik-Shrak (AR/traps corr-22), Enormous Esme (ss/inv brute-20),
The Venerable Pai Mei (ninja blade/regen evil scrapper-18), King of the Arctic (ice/ice dom-17),
Slippery Jack (dark/dark corr-15) and Doctor Phaedra (necro/poison MM-10)

Guest · Posted: Sat Nov 25, 2006 9:14 pm Post subject:

A new comer to the sg walked into the base meaningfully, he had caught the last part of what seemed an arguement. He stopped and look at the 'computer' infront of him and shook his head. He carried on past it without saying a word, a few higher ranked members looked at him.

"Why don't you just steal a proper computer? You know from a hero or some weaker villain group, why waste money?" and at that, he stepped into a teleporter and dissapeared, leaving only his words within the base, whethere or not they would have been concidered or even heard was another story...